Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
