I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
