at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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