i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
