dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
