there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
