I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
