guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
