lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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