Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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