Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
