you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
