I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can't talk, ducks in the car
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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