I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
