So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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