I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
