You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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