Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize