i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
