Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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