I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
