Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize