when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm both gender and math confused
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
