You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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