WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
