yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
