you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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