this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
