But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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