and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
