he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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