Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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