I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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