lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Enjoy the penises
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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