you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
