I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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