we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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