His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
