make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
