at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
