Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
