I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
