Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
