She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
