So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
wow bdsm is so cute
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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