using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
