hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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