Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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