you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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