We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize