His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
