I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
