wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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