Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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