Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
