Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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