Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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