How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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