I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
