atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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