i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
