Jerry, you need to find god
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
