Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm at about main and main street
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize