sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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