Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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