Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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