I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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