Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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