were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
