need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
