I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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