I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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